Today I am in Vancouver for the final dance of this long Canadian tour. There is not a cloud in the sky, and the sun is shining almost apologetically for the past 4 weeks. Today is the kind of day that when I was a kid, my mum would march into the living room, switch off the television, and shout “Right! You lot! Get out! It’s too nice a day to sit around the house watching TV. Go on! Get out there and do something!” And I would. I would get on my bike and I would go for a long cycle, sometimes as far as Beattock (look it up), and then, when it got too cold to feel my hands, I would cycle back home, and my mum would say “Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!” You could never win.

It’s hard to believe that just 3 weeks ago, I was staring out of the window of my hotel room in Ottawa, Canada, on a blustery, snowy afternoon. The room overlooked a quaint tree-lined park, and some archetypal French, turquoise roofs. For those of you who don’t know? There are parts of Canada that are more French than a beret full of baguettes. Indeed, but for the familiar North American smell of vanilla coffee everywhere, and the Mountie hat sitting on my bed, I could very well have been in some corner of Paris. (By the way, the Mountie hat was mine, I didn’t… well, y’know.. anyway.) A few days later, I found myself in a wet and windy Windsor, which despite still being in the province of Ontario is a very different kettle of fish altogether (never order the fish in Windsor… or, for that matter, buy a kettle!) Windsor also has the venerable distinction of being directly across a short river crossing from the USA. It was the most ‘bizarre’ check in I have ever had. ‘Would you like a room with a view of America, Sir?’ ‘Mmmm. Don’t mind if I do. Hey, why are there 14 people on the back of that jet ski?’

Anyway, I am finally at the end of my tour across this wildly contrasting land and I am as tired as I have ever been. It was a long, hard tour. Tough on the body, and disorientating on the mind. My life for the past 5 weeks has basically been: get up-fly-unpack-be funny-sleep. Get up-fly-unpack-be funny-sleep. But I have had a lot of fun along the way. Thank you to everyone who came along to the shows. Thank you Canada.

Now, many of you will know that after Canada I will be making a brief trip to Australia. I was originally only going over to host the Sydney Comedy Gala, but I have now added just 2 shows in Sydney, for people who didn’t see my show ‘Messenger’ last year. Those who saw it are, of course, also welcome. It will be a longer show with some new material, but it won’t be a whole new show. Who the hell do you think I am? For the rest of Australia, I say this! I will be back in 2013 with a big tour of my new show! So be still thy precious hearts until then.

I should also mention my return to the Edinburgh Festival this year. Just 6 nights at the EICC August 3-8th. Tickets are available on a website somewhere? And on a related subject thank you so much to everyone who came out to the DVD recordings in February at the Festival Theatre. I have edited the show and it’s looks fantastic. I will let you know when we have a release date for it? After the Edinburgh festival I will be taking the new show around the UK for 2 months, so please check the dates on my website if you fancy coming along? By November, I will be probably be a shell of the man I am, so I will hopefully get a bit of a break before the planned Australia tour. And don’t worry New Zealand, I haven’t forgotten about you! I plan to add on some dates there after Australia, or maybe even before, so stay tuned! There may also be some dates in Scandinavia and the US this year, but nothing confirmed yet?

That is really all for now, I must get ready for my final show. Tomorrow I will heading off some place else with a renewed skip in my step and a mountie hat tucked under my arm. (again, both these things are totally unrelated.)

Best,

Danny

in addition to this, we are pleased to announce 2 special extended shows of his smash 2011 tour ‘Messenger (Please Do Not Shoot)!’ These will be at The Concourse Concert Hall on Sat 28th April, and The Enmore Theatre on Monday 30th April – BOOK NOW!

If you didn’t catch the show last year, this will be your last chance! These tickets will go on general release on Wednesday 7th March, but are available for you guys now!  There are no other planned shows in Australia this year, but dates for a big, new Australia tour in 2013 will be announced later this year…

Also, this show has been recently recorded for a DVD. Details of when this will released will also follow soon…’

Here are the dates for my tour of Canada in the Spring. As you can see, there are 2 venues that for some reason you can only book over the phone. These are Saint John and St. John’s. It could be a ‘Saint’ thing?..Or, of course, a ‘John’ thing? Anyway, I hope you can make it along to one of the shows? The tickets go on general sale this friday, so if you pre-book now, you will need the password ‘Wanderlust’ which also happens to be the title of the new show. It’s a German word meaning ‘a strong desire or yearning to travel’, which is a pretty good description of a condition I’ve had since I was a kid. That and psoriasis… But, that would be a far less appealing name for a show.

Click here for a full list of dates

Best,

Danny

I can now confirm that I will definitely be doing a show at The Festival Theatre in Edinburgh on Wednesday 8th February 2012. I know a dark, midweek night in the cold Scottish winter doesn’t immediately scream ‘fun’ to all of you? But, for those of you who brave the elements there will be a place in history, as the show will be my first DVD filmed in my home country. I’m not sure exactly what the show will be, but that’s usually when it works best. Before the inevitable, and bloody, scramble for tickets on the open market, I am giving my fans an opportunity to buy tickets 24 hours before there is a public announcement. So, here is the link for tickets which will be on sale for you guys at 11am on Tuesday 1st November.

http://www.fctt.org.uk/festival_theatre/event.aspx?evtid=534

All tickets are £16.50 which includes a £1.50 ‘restoration’ charge, which I think means after the show we crown a new Scottish king? But I could have got that wrong?

I hope you can make it?

Cheers,

Danny

Cheers,

Danny

To be honest, Edinburgh is as good a place as anywhere to be today. The sun is shining, and hundreds of graduating university students resplendent in their gowns are walking around flanked by their proud parents. A little bit of me wants to roll up a piece of paper, wrap a black curtain around myself and dive into the celebrations, but the last time I did that I was wrestled to the ground by airport security. I feel I am owed a second graduation though, after the disaster of my first one, which took place on a gloomy afternoon in Glasgow. I went to pick up my suit from the tailors that morning, but it wasn’t ready, so I had to decide whether or not to wear a half-finished suit with one arm and one leg longer than the other? Then, the bumbling tailor offered to loan me a suit off one of the shop mannequins, which was a slightly too big pin-striped number. I had to take it, but ended up looking like an extra from Bugsy Malone. I might as well have drawn a pencil moustache on my face and turned up with a machine gun firing custard pies! To make matters worse, I was right at the back of this huge hall, and I didn’t hear my name being called out to go up and collect my degree which led to the awful feeling that I had failed so badly, the university refused to even acknowledge me as having been a student there? In the end, I shuffled up to the podium after everyone was filing out the door, and muttered to the Dean, ‘can I have my degree please?’ And, he handed it over to me with a look that suggested he didn’t think I would ever need it… and to be fair, he wasn’t totally wrong.

My next stand up show will be in Montreal from July 18-30, so do come along if you are in the area. After that, I have no idea what I am going to do? Perhaps some further time off, it has been a very manic year after all. I am not doing a show at the Edinburgh Festival this year, but I am hoping to be around for little while during it, after all, I live here! I may end up doing a few late night spots around town unannounced. I will post these on my Twitter account, which is @officialbhoy. Other than that, I hope you all have a wonderful Summer/Winter? (delete as appropriate) Thanks again for another great tour, let’s do it all over again sometime…

LOL, (‘in joke’ for people who were at this year’s show.)

Danny

P.S. ‘Sorry!’ (Another ‘in joke’). I’ll stop now.

I write this on the day after Easter monday, when people here in Australia are still on holiday! Come on people, even Jesus was back at the workshop by now? I think because yesterday coincidentally fell on Anzac Day (another public holiday), the good people of Australia decided it was a rollover. Australians love their holidays and enjoy a healthy 38 days off per year. If you want to know what country has the most amount of time off work? It’s little Lithuania, which has some 41 days of paid holiday per year. In addition, if you are Jewish by faith, you may take an additional 13 days of holiday, making it one of the best religions for the work-shy. So, it seems the best position to be in for overall time off work would be a Jewish person in Lithuania, of course historically that has definitely not been the best position to be in. If you are interested, poor old Canadians have the least amount of paid holiday leave with just 10 days a year. I suppose with that much snow, you might as well be working, right? Am I right Canada?…Is this on?

The shows have been going extremely well, despite a torn ligament in my wrist and a pulled muscle in my shoulder sustained from a tennis match, but certainly not helped by a rather energetic ‘gay viking’ routine I do on stage every night. I could drop the routine, but somehow the pain makes the joke funnier..which may be true of most good comedy? I want to thank everyone who has come to one of the shows so far. There have been some very memorable nights. I particularly enjoyed doing a show in Toowoomba a while back because I have never been to a town that was in more need of a good laugh, and hopefully we had one? And on that note, I am deeply sorry that the show in Christchurch has fallen through. Please understand that I really wanted to do the show. Unfortunately, there simply was nowhere else available on that night and as you can see from the tour, every other night is booked solid.

Many of you wrote to me from Christchurch and suggested alternative venues, the strangest of which was someone’s house! I did once do a gig many years ago around a dinner table in a home while a bemused family ate their Christmas dinner. The father had thought booking a comedian might prevent those awkward silences traditionally associated with family get-togethers. He was wrong. All that happened was they all stared at me for 20 minutes rather than each other. His youngest kid got up and kicked me in the leg, then ran out crying. I got paid £40, and I left…crying. I would love to think that it’s a story they can look back on as family now and laugh at, but I’ve got a feeling it was never mentioned again. Anyway, rest assured, I will return to Christchurch at a later date and we shall all have a bloody good laugh. Until then, I sincerely wish you all the best in rebuilding your city, and your confidence.

After my tour of New Zealand, I will be embarking on a month-long tour of the UK which, to be honest, is selling like a Superbowl party in North Korea, so I can only hope that people are planning to book late? Otherwise I will be at the Birmingham Symphony Hall on June 9th, looking at more folded-up seats than an Ikea warehouse. I will then be heading over to Montreal for a 2-week stint at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival. Many of you have asked about other Canadian dates? I can reveal that I will almost certainly be doing a full tour of Canada next spring, I will keep you up-to-date of with further details when I have them. I will try to make sure none of the dates fall on one of your 10 days off, I don’t want anything to get in the way of those.

I haven’t been home since January, so I am assuming my invitation to the upcoming Royal wedding is lying on the floor behind my front door in Edinburgh? Of course, I would have probably gracefully declined the offer anyway. I love the Royal family as much as the next man (if the next man is Oliver Cromwell), but I’m not a big fan of weddings, and my attempts at making small talk with the Queen have, in the past, only ever got me into trouble. I would loved to have thrown in a few lines for the best man speech though, which I am assuming Harry is doing? I hope he doesn’t wear the Nazi uniform? His father will go ballistic.. Not to mention Prince Charles!… Is this definitely on? But, good luck to them. They say that in times of financial strife, the masses will always yearn for ‘bread and circuses’, which I have always thought is a rather unusual phrase? I cannot imagine a guy coming home one night and saying to his family ‘I am afraid there’s been some cutbacks at work, and I have been laid off…..NOW! GET IN THE CAR! WE’RE OFF TO BIG TOP BILLY’S!.. Oh, and grab that loaf of Wonder White. Anyway, at an estimated cost of £80 million, this wedding ought to be one heck of a ‘circus’! I hope even Canada is getting a day off?

All The Best,

Danny

Unfortunately, we have just been told by the local producers in New Zealand that the Christchurch show originally scheduled for 12th May, will not now go ahead. The ISAAC Theatre Royal will not be ready in time for the tour and despite our very best efforts we have been unable to secure an alternative venue. This is hugely disappointing for everyone, but sadly unavoidable. Danny will make every effort to return to Christchurch at a later date and apologises to all his fans in Christchurch.

Full Refunds for tickets already purchased will be available from Ticketek. Please visit www.isaactheatreroyal.co.nz FOR FULL REFUND DETAILS OR CALL 0800 TICKETEK

And as we sneak into February when this sounds even more ridiculous, A Happy New Year to you all! It is a rare cloudy day here in Sydney, Australia and such moody skylines always provide the perfect backdrop to a blog. I have just got back from the New South Wales Art Gallery which currently has an exhibition called ‘The First Emperor – China’s Entombed Warriors.’ In a nutshell, the First Emperor of China built a huge underground city in 220BC as a burial site for himself, and, as part of that obvious insanity, he constructed 8000 life-sized terracotta warriors to guard the city. And we thought Jackson was a bit odd? Apparently, no one knew anything about this Terracotta Army until some farmer was out digging a water well in 1974 when he stumbled across the head of one of the clay warriors. And as the old saying goes, ‘where there’s a clay head, there’s usually an immaculately preserved 8000-strong, life-sized terracotta army..’ They have a handful of these magnificent clay warriors on display in the exhibition and the detail and condition are remarkable. All I can say is, if you like garden gnomes, this exhibition will blow your mind! And apparently, they have only excavated a small part of this underground city. It does make you think that those nutters you see everyday at the beach with metal detectors really are missing the bigger picture? If treasure-hunting is your thing, my advice is grab a shovel and get yourself up to the Shaanxi province of Northern China. Trust me. This place is where it’s at! Anyway, the exhibition is well worth a look if it comes to an art gallery near you, if only to rethink the notion that around that time the whole planet was full of people who lived in caves and hunted bison with clubs… that really was just us!

Now, on to other news. I arrived here 3 weeks ago to find Australia had been taken completely unaware by the sudden arrival of one of the most powerful forces on earth, and I ‘aint talking about Oprah. Australia was once again struck by the cruel and unprovoked hand of Mother Nature. A woman whom, as I have previously pointed out, is simply not fit to be a mother. I watched the horror of the Queensland Floods unfold on television and it was genuinely heart-breaking. As usual, the good people of Australia came out in their thousands to help. Some literally, with mops, and shovels and buckets. The extraordinary effort which saw not just neighbours helping out neighbours, but strangers helping out strangers was one of the most powerful and reassuring acts of humanity I have ever seen. On a personal note I would like to thank everyone who came along to one of the 4 fundraisers I held here in Sydney. Tickets were only $10, but we had a donations bucket at the end. The total raised was $6,845.30, which is brilliant! Also, I must thank Bill and the good people of The Factory Theatre in Marrickville, who waived their venue costs for all the shows. I am please to announce 1 more of these shows on Monday 7th February. I will let you know as soon as they go on sale. It’s gonna’ take months and months to fix this, and a shitload of money, but we’ll get there! And, may I suggest, if there is any cash left over, we build 8,000 giant terracotta aussies and put them around the state of Queensland. That should see us right for the next 2000 years…

Cheers,

Danny

P.S. I know a lot of you in New Zealand have been enquiring about tour dates. I have been really pushing my people over there to get them to me asap. They are now telling me they won’t go on sale until the middle of February. So, I am sorry about that. I have no idea why it is taking so long? If they are not on sale by then, I will book the tour myself!

And a Happy New Year to you all. Sadly, it is most certainly not a good start to the new year for thousands of people in the State of Queensland. I am putting on some special warm up shows next week and the week after here in Sydney to raise money for the Floods Appeal. It’s just a 120-seater venue and all tickets are $10. The dates are Monday 17th and 24th and Wednesday 19th and 26th. They will be sold on a first come first served basis. Please click here to book tickets for one of the shows.

http://www.factorytheatre.com.au/events/2011/01/17/danny-bhoy-warm-up-show

Thank you,

Danny