Hallooooo!
Last Sunday night in Melbourne was a landmark moment for me, because it was the first time since I arrived here in late January that I put a jumper on. It was 11.32pm exactly and I had to go outside and walk 2 blocks to the nearest store to get some milk. To be honest it was a borderline decision. I probably could have easily made it there and back in a t-shirt while experiencing at worst 'a slight chill', but the jumper went on, and instead I came back with 'a bit of a sweat'. Such trivialities probably bore you, but these are just a taste of the things which start to occupy my thoughts after 3 weeks of touring. Just wait until we get to week 24 (who knows? a jacket even?)
Most of Monday was spent washing the biggest pile of laundry since Rosemary West got a call from the police saying 'they were coming back to the house in a few hours because they forgot to check the shed.' By contrast to my humdrum day at the laundrette, Monday was Oscars Night in Hollywood. As I held up T-shirts and jeans which had depressingly shrunk in the fixed 'blast-furnace 3' setting of the tumble dryer, I glanced up at the TV, where 100's of celebrities adorned the famous red carpet in their exclusive designer robes.
I don't want to be a killjoy, but I would have thought in these tough economic times, it might have been an idea to skip the most needlessly ostentatious event on the planet. I don't imagine too many of the 1 million Americans who have recently lost their jobs would have been too concerned with who had a 'wardrobe nightmare' on the red carpet. "Sweet Jesus honey! Will you look at what Sarah Jessica Parker has done to her hair! Oh and we might have to eat the dog next week." Some people argue that such events are important to the morale of the nation in tough times (I'm sure the Tibetans were told the same thing about last year's Olympic Games.) I must admit I started to get a little mesmerised by the endless array of sparkling dresses and strapless tops, until I realised that this definitely wasn't my laundry. I apologised to the lady next to me as we swapped baskets and I sheepishly made my way to the exit. "And the bra as well please?" she said sternly as I was sneaking out the door.
Last week's shows in South Australia proved to me once again that very often in the most unlikely of places, you find the most perceptive and appreciative crowds. I remember driving into places like Renmark and Port Pririe and thinking 'Oh the humanity? how can this be?' But, the shows were packed full of the best crowds I've played to so far. I was quite worried about the new show a month ago, but it seems to have found its feet in the past few weeks and I'm really enjoying performing it now. There are no gimmicks or catchphrases in this show, it's just a few stories about my life in, and also away from comedy. I hope those of you who have seen it so far have enjoyed it. Special mention should go to the town of Whyalla where I picked up a local newspaper and read one of my favourite headlines of all time. It simply read "COMEDIAN COMES TO WHYALLA" That'll be me then.
Tonight I am in Wollongong, (or 'The Gong' as it's known locally). It's an attractive sort of beachside town, which can sometimes result in a frustrating lack of urgency (it took over half an hour to get a coffee this morning. I was the only one in the shop.) After the show last night I went into a Greek takeaway and asked if I could have the seafood pizza without the anchovies. The man behind the counter said that 'it came with anchovies.' I said "I was aware of that, but could he perhaps just not put them on?" A bead of sweat appeared on his forehead, his eyes shifted from side to side and he said he "would have to speak to his boss." His boss made the trip down several flights of stairs to get a handle on this whole 'anchovy affair'. He suspiciously looked me up and down and then told the man that "that was fine", and eventually the man began rolling the dough but he was clearly still a little fazed by this maverick order. Such events are the subject of much gossip in these regional towns, and today without a word of a lie, a woman came up to me in the street and said "I heard you caused a bit of a scene in the Greek place last night?" Hilarious.
The next 2 weeks are pretty hectic for me with back to back shows in regional NSW, with the exception of a show in Canberra on Saturday night which I am catching an early evening flight from Sydney to make in the nick of time. It will be very tight, and I apologise in advance to the good people of Canberra if I am a little flustered when I take to the stage, but just be thankful that I made it at all, because if that flight is delayed we're all screwed. I'm also doing a spot next Monday at the State Theatre Benefit in Sydney for victims of the bush fires. The line-up is stupidly good, and of course the cause is extremely worthy. Actually on that note, I should mention that I was touring regional Victoria the weekend of the worst bush fires, and I was absolutely terrified. I was very lucky to escape the worst hit areas (sometimes by a matter of hours) but over the next few days as the full extent of the devastation became apparent, I became aware of just how fortunate I was. The following week was a difficult week of shows to get through, and my thoughts and heartfelt sympathies remain with the victims of a region and country I have grown to love.
Goodbye for now.
Danny