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I am sitting outside a quaint little pub in a village in Wiltshire called Castle Combe. I stopped here quite by chance although judging by the number of tourists milling around I would say I am by no means the first person to discover this charming little place. It is so quintessentially English that any moment now I expect a squire in a top hat to ask me if I have ‘seen Mr Darcy this morning?’ before checking his pocket watch, shooting a pheasant and mumbling something about immigrants. I had no idea places like this existed anymore? It is old with an ‘e’. There’s one main street which narrowly ambles it’s way down to a babbling brook at one end of the village. If you’ve ever seen a show called Midsomer Murders it’s very like that (without the freakishly high occurrence of murders, obviously.) The houses are all constructed from that lovely crumbly old stone with big chunky oak doors and matching wooden windowsills. They seem to lean forward into the road as if trying to listen in on the conversations of passersby. Hey houses! Butt out! The whole place is in immaculate condition like the ice had just thawed on this delightful village, and I am in heaven sitting here on a bench outside a pub people-watching and sipping a pint of just about the best local ale I have ever tasted. Even an Australian tourist yelling ‘diddly-dee potatoes!’ at me could not ruin this moment. Which is just as well.
This is a rare moment of serenity in a month that has seen me dashing around the UK like a crazed fool building up a new show to take to the Edinburgh Fringe in 2 weeks time. In the past month I have been back to clubs I haven’t been to since my early days in stand up, it’s all a bit ‘bizarre’. In one of them I was shocked to see an old publicity photo of me up on the wall in the green room. I looked about 12! Oh, hang on? I am 12. Hey, this isn’t a green room, who are you old man? And where’s the other comics? For the best part, it has been an enjoyable journey back to my old comedy haunts. I have bumped into a few old comedy friends along the way, and swapped a few stories about the past. Although you have to tread carefully sometimes. I said to one such comic ‘God, I remember doing this gig with you years ago, when you used to open with that really lame joke about someone famous you looked a bit like….(long silence)…oh, you still do that, don’t you? Are they even still alive?’
I will be in Edinburgh for the whole of August in a venue that is way to big for me, but it is a stunning old building belonging to the University of Edinburgh and as you probably know about me by now, I love old buildings. The older the better in fact. My dream gig would be in the Colosseum in Rome, but will they return my emails? I even have the show title ‘Danny Bhoy – Lend Me Your Ears’ and I was gonna film it, so you could get a box set of me at both the Athenaeum and the Colosseum! Actually, that’s just given me a great idea for a show, ‘Danny Bhoy Wonders…’ A show where I do a gig at the sites of the 7 Wonders of The World. Oh yeah, I like that. What are they again?
The Taj Mahal – Tricky acoustics, but doable.
The Great Wall of China – Er, might need to put on a 2-for1 offer.
The Pyramids – I could call the show ‘That Giza from Scotland’ No?
The Grand Canyon – Would need a good GPS to find the gig, but plenty of room to put out extra chairs.
I can’t remember the others? Anyway, my venue in Edinburgh is called McEwan Hall. It could be a bit risky, because it’s never been used for a comedy show before, but at a festival where people put on shows in anything from disused cellars to the back of their car’s (yes, really), it’s a relatively small gamble.
Now a quick paragraph about bad people. A year ago I signed a contract with some bad people who, it transpires, now have the rights to distribute a DVD I filmed specifically for North America, everywhere else in the World without my authority. It’s enormously frustrating and personally embarrassing because the show I filmed was a ‘best of’ performance from my last 2 Australian DVD’s. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not buy my ‘Subject To Change’ DVD when it is released in Australia/New Zealand later this year. I am so sorry I can’t prevent this happening, but I don’t wan’t you to spend money on something you already have, and despite my best efforts the bad people are not going to advertise it as such. Bad people. Bad, bad American people. And on a similar note, my life advice to all of you youngsters out there, is no matter what you plan to do with your life, study law. I will probably film my new show (Live at The Colosseum?) and release it sometime next year, so please wait for that. I am currently putting together a big tour for Australia/New Zealand in the first half of 2011, so hopefully I will be able to get dates up on my website for that soon.
So, there is my news for July. I will send an update in August of how things are going in Edinburgh and if there is anything I have seen which I recommend. Initially, here are a few comedians you may not be aware of, that I would strongly recommend you see if you are at the Fringe:
Andy Zaltzman – One of my best friends, and also one of the finest comic minds in the country. What he cannot give you his opinion on, is really not worth knowing.
Tim Key – I saw him die on his arse in Kilkenny recently. Go and see why that death is both inexplicable and total understandable. It’s been a while since a comic made me laugh like this.
Tim Vine – In amongst the sea of trendier-than-thou comedians, Tim will give you an hour of top quality one-liners. If you don’t like a good pun then..well, you are dead inside.
Alun Cochrane – Saw him recently. People say really good stand ups make you feel like you are being told a story by the funniest guy down the pub. That’s how you feel with Cochrane.
Dan Antapolski – I haven’t seen Dan for a few years, but he has always been one of the most inventive comics at the Fringe, and he is always on my ‘must see’ list when I get there.
Lewis Schaffer – This man should be playing in front of 3000 people in Carnegie Hall, but instead he will be struggling for numbers in a small venue in edinburgh. I think he is as good as any american comic I have seen, and far more real.
Stephen Carlin – Funny and Scottish. I hate him.
Talk soon,
Danny
