Greetings from… FINLAND!

December 1, 2010

Never let it be said that Danny Bhoy does not follow up on a whimsical, and largely self-indulgent, throwaway notion. That’s right folks, I type this to you from the great city of Helsinki, nestled on the shores of Southern Finland, the erstwhile (and reigning) ‘greatest country on earth’ (Newsweek Magazine). ‘So, what’s it like?’ I hear you gasp. Well, to be absolutely honest, it’s just too dark to tell. I foolishly thought I would give myself a full day to have a look around, but there is no such thing as a full day here. There’s only a bit of a day, and then lots of a night. This place has to deal with more dark hours than Mel Gibson’s psychiatrist. However, from what I did see of it, Helsinki seemed pretty nice. The locals are remarkably upbeat for a group of people who have to work out which kid at the school gate is theirs from their silhouettes. One guy kindly offered to show me around tomorrow, but suggested a 7am start to see it all before lunch when ‘it starts to get dark.’ I graciously declined and he disappeared into the day. In the end I had less than 3 hours of Helsinki bathed in, well.. in light. It was, however, long enough time for me to report back with a few observations about the greatest country on earth.

Firstly, the Finish language is most unusual. Somewhere between rapping and drowning. I confess, I nearly gave money to the first person that spoke to me, which would have been a mistake as it was a customs official. The woman are almost freakishly attractive. I’m not a scientist ladies (partly because if I was, I wouldn’t use the word ‘ladies’), but perhaps 2 hours of natural light is the key to perfect skin? Mind you, it doesn’t explain the state of those poor Fritzl kids. Too soon? Also, it is an inexplicably expensive place, a croissant and a coffee by the harbour was nearly £7. I don’t want to come over all ‘Scottish’, but I can get a croissant and a pint for that back home! wouldn’t mind so much, except it was too bloody dark to see the stupid harbour! I can’t vouch for the ‘club’ scene (here, or indeed anywhere in the world), but I did go to a local Finnish restaurant last night for some traditional Finnish fare. So, ‘what culinary delights does the greatest country in the world offer?’, I hear you scream. Well, quite a lot of reindeer it seems, usually served with berries. You could forgive the Finns for mistaking the front of a Christmas card for a tasty looking menu. Actually, the meal wasn’t bad, and it was topped off with an entirely unintentional, but wonderfully executed comedy moment, when the waiter came over to clear my plate and asked ‘are you finished?’ ‘No’, I replied, ‘I’m Scottish.’ I laughed. He didn’t. So, can I verify Finland’s claim to be the greatest country in the world? Well, the answer is no, but that certainly doesn’t mean it isn’t. I just wasn’t there for long, or light enough? I can say that if you are one of these people who prefers your curtains drawn during the day (I think they’re known as students?) Or if you find yourself subconsciously salivating whenever you watch Bambi, then Helsinki is definitely a place you should visit. I would certainly like to go back again, I think this great country has a lot more to offer when I can actually see it.

Now, on to other things. Firstly, I am making my stand up debut on BBC 1 tomorrow night (Thursday December 2nd) in ‘Live At The Apollo’ at 9.30pm. I realise it clashes with the ITV ratings goldmine that is, ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!’ But, if for any reason you don’t want to see an ex-soap star eating fried rats testicles (and that’s a big ‘if’), then you would be most welcome over on BBC1. The other comedians on the show are Lee Mack and Rich Hall who happen to be 2 of my all-time favourite acts, so it should be a memorable show, and if it’s not…catch all three of us in the australian jungle this time next year. I am also delighted (and a little apprehensive) to announce a special 11-date city tour of the UK next June. The details are up on the website and will be added to Facebook tomorrow. You’ll notice there are some quite big theatres to fill, so I’m opening the box office now. Don’t all rush! But if some of you could please rush? Ok, well that’s everything for now, I will drop you another blog again before Christmas, for now I have to head to the airport to catch my 2pm night flight out of Helsinki.

Cheers,

Danny