A new blog… “Fin”ally
October 11, 2010Hello Friends,
Well, it’s been a while. I have no excuse for the late arrival of this blog other than a hectic touring schedule, which I think we can all agree is now wearing a little thin. I have just finished my UK tour in the delightful town of Kendal, (always good to finish on a big one), and now I am heading back home to the relative metropolis of Edinburgh. I am thinking it might be a good time to take a holiday, so I have been jotting down a few ideas… The thing is, I don’t really think I’m a beach holiday kinda‘ guy. I always love the idea of it, but then I get there and feel extraordinarily guilty about just lying on some sand for a week. That’s not how the great British Empire was built! In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how it was lost? Equally, I’m not really big on adventure holidays. I want to be able to ski or snowboard, but then I remember I’m not a complete arsehole. Of course, the other problem with both beach and ski holidays is that, I am single, and I’m worried that if I got caught up in a riptide or stuck up a mountain in a ski lift on my own, no one would find out until I didn’t turn up to my next gig…which is currently not until January next year.
I really like walking and nature, and I recently read that Finland is the most heavily wooded country in Europe. Finland? Now, there’s a place I know absolutely nothing about other than a knack for continually producing some of the worst entries into the Eurovision Song Contest. According to Wikipedia, Finland has a population of over 5 million, but that can’t be right? I have never met anyone from Finland, nor have I ever met anyone who has even been to Finland! I have lived in Europe all my life, you would think that purely by chance I would have met a least one Fin? Are they Fins? I don’t even know that? Reading on, I discover that Finland was ranked ‘The Best Country In The World’ this year by Newsweek magazine!…What!? How did I not know about this great country? Why was this not bigger news? Why did I not pick up a copy of a newspaper and see the headline ‘FINTASTIC!’ or ‘IN’FIN’ITELY BETTER!’ or ‘TAKE THAT SWEDEN!’ splashed across the front? Now I know why I have never met a Fin, because clearly they all stay in Finland. Why would you want to go anywhere else, when you live in the greatest country on earth?
As a comedian, I cannot understand why Finland haven’t made more of this? If Newsweek determined that I was ‘The Best Comedian In The World (which they haven’t NOT done), you would all bloody know about it! It seems that Finland doesn’t want the attention. Well, tough shit Finland! I’m on to you, and so are all the other people that read this blog. You may be quietly trying to divert people away from the fact that you are the best country in the world, but I am not gonna stand by and watch disillusioned holiday-makers trot off year-upon-year to the substandard settings of the Cote D’azur or the Italian Riviera, while they could be having a proper holiday in Helsinki. You even put the word ‘Hel’ in the title to put people off the scent. But, it ‘aint happening anymore Finland. You are the greatest country on earth, and you’re just gonna have to live with it. Incidentally, Finland also holds the title of ‘2nd most stable country on earth’. Now, 15 years ago, that was not high up in my list of priorities in a holiday destination:
‘Well Mr Bhoy, please take a seat. Now, what kind of holiday were you after? We offer a wide range of trips from trekking in the Andes to windsurfing in the Maldives?’
‘Er..well..I’m really looking to go somewhere with economic and political stability. Ideally, if I could have a room with a view of general prosperity?’
In fact, I’m pretty sure a few years back I spent 5 days in Bali while a political coup was going on in the rest of the country ‘Whatever! Another Pina Colada please Jeffrey? Have they fixed the trouser press in my room yet?’ Of course things are a bit different now. As a general rule, if you are in a country where they prefer payment in US dollars, then you might want to keep an eye on the Foreign Office website? (unless of course you are in the US, in which case this is perfectly normal. Repeat, this is perfectly normal.) Anyway, all this weighs heavily in Finland’s favour. I will do some further investigation into this curious country before I book anything, it all sounds a bit too good to be true?
Now, on to other things. I huge thank you to everyone who came along to one of my shows these past few months. I was delighted that Edinburgh fans didn’t forget about me, after my absence last year, and my second UK tour has provided surprising results everywhere. I will soon be announcing all the dates for my Australia and New Zealand tour starting early next year, if you are on the mailing list you will automatically get these updates. Sorry about the delay on this, we’re still waiting for a few venues to confirm. Once again, I would like to remind you not to buy my ‘Subject To Change’ DVD which is going to be released by an American company in Australia and New Zealand without my consent. It has more or less exactly the same material from my ‘Live at The Opera House’ and ‘Live At The Athenauem’ DVD’s, so I don’t want you to waste your money. Please wait until I release my new DVD next year, and waste your money on that instead. I will be sending a separate mail out on this subject as well, so apologies if you have already ‘got the message, Danny!’ I filmed a short set for a show over here in the UK called ‘Live at The Apollo’ last week (my first TV spot on British TV!), and it should be showing before Christmas, so I will let you guys know when I have a fixed date for that? And that’s really it for now. I will send another update shortly….maybe even from the greatest country in the world.
Best,
Danny
