Mother Nature, what is your problem?
April 20, 2010Hello Everyone,
Once again I must start with an apology for the long stretch since my last posting. I am now heading into my final week here in America, before flying to Canada for my first big tour there. I will then be heading back to the UK at the end of May assuming Iceland doesn’t have another hissy fit. It all just goes to confirm my long held belief that when it comes to global terrorism now one can hold a candle to Mother Nature. She must chuckle to herself every time there’s another pitiful car bomb attack as she stokes a volcano, or rattles another tectonic plate whispering ‘bloody amateurs’ under her breath. Actually, when you think about it, Mother Nature is a pretty bad mother. She should have lost custody of the earth years ago. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Nature but we are going to have to take the earth away from you. We cannot risk another drink-fuelled senseless attack on poor little earth. It’s for the best. I know you’re sorry and you promise it won’t happen again. But frankly, we’ve heard it all before. No one is arguing that you don’t provide little earth with everything it needs, but you can’t just lash out because you feel like you’re not appreciated. Yes, we know how ungrateful earth can be sometimes, treating the place like a hotel, polluting your atmosphere and melting your ice caps, but that’s not an excuse for violent recriminations. She’s just a kid for god’s sake! Mrs. Nature? Are you listening? Ok, put down the tidal wave. Put it down. You don’t have to do this…”
Unfortunately, I am gonna’ miss the forthcoming UK election on 5th May, which is shaping up to be an exciting photo finish. It looks like we might have a real upset on our hands if the Lib Dems continue to surge in popularity. I’m not sure how I feel about having a ‘Clegg’ in charge of the country? But, it’s got to be better than a twat. I think given the alternatives we might as well give him the reigns for a while and hope for the best. Everyone loves an underdog, unless of course you are a regular dog. Also, it’s worth remembering that Jim Davidson (the racist/sexist all-round odious ‘comedian’) said that he wouldn’t move back to Britain until the Conservatives got back into power. He left Britain because it was becoming ‘overrun by foreigners and muslims’ so he moved to… Bahrain. Brilliant. I don’t want to appear like a ‘single issue voter’ but that’s certainly a good enough reason to not vote for the Conservatives. In fact, if the other 2 parties had any sense they would run a campaign on that message. Just have a giant billboard with a picture of Jim Davidson and the words ‘He has a flight on hold…’
My Comedy Central Special aired in Canada at the weekend. Sorry, that I didn’t get a chance to put a post up about it. I hope those of you who saw it enjoyed it. It was a very low key affair, and that’s how I like it. I have had a lot of emails complaining that I am not coming to *add Canadian place name here* on the forthcoming tour. Hopefully next time I come I will be able to do a lot more dates, so I’m sorry if I missed your town/city this time around. I’m really looking forward to the shows, and thank you to everyone who is coming along, the response has been incredible. The last few weeks I have been building up the show in a few comedy clubs in the States, which hasn’t always been ideal. Weirdly enough, a crowd of spring-breakers in Florida at 11.30pm on a friday night drinking out of plastic glasses and munching chicken wings weren’t that keen to hear jokes about the Norman invasion of England in 1066? Tough crowd! For the few American fans I have picked up in my time here in the States, I want to let you know that my Comedy Central Special should still be airing there on May 22nd at 11pm. Tune in if you get a chance, and become part of a small but elite club. Unfortunately, I won’t see it as I will be back in the UK by then…and let’s all just pray that I am the only comedian returning to the UK next month.
I am sorry for those of you who follow me on my website and facebook sites that the updates have stalled of late. I have recently had a change of management and am in the process of changing these sites over, so hopefully I will have it all sorted next month and you can start getting regular updates again, please bear with me. Finally, for all you guys in Australia and New Zealand, I have had a distinctly empty feeling these past few months, when ordinarily I would have been over there doing my regular circuit of theatres and festivals which I love. I will definitely be back early next year. I’m sorry I missed you all, but just think how good the show is gonna’ be next year?…Norman Invasion and all!
All the best,
Danny
